Deadlocked

I have a dream.

One good, hopeful dream.

I will be honest.

I wanted to be rich. Successful. Inspiring. Happy.

In mid twenties, I still hold it fast in me.

But...

Until recently, I just don't know.

It's indeed hard to hold strong.

Tonight, I felt tired. Weary.

I worked hard, going back and forth to gain money.

But then...

I saw those people I hate, sedap sedap dapat kerja yang aku nak.

Ada pulak, yang tengah sedap sedap pergi liburan sana sini.

Yang kahwin, kemain rancak.

Yang dapat peluang duduk dengan influenced people, seronok meeting sana sini bagi idea.

Why?

WHY??

Have I actually done nothing??

Adakah sebenarnya selama ni aku tak achieve apa apa pun rupanya?

I kept convincing myself that I am better than those unreasonable people.

I kept telling myself that those people don't know shits and they will live without purpose.

But...

What am I doing now?

Why it seems like I am at the losing part? Am I the loser??

Yes.

I am screaming inside. Everyday. Everytime.

Everything I do, I felt pointless.

And i am at the verge of giving in.

These hope and dreams and ambitions and visions, its killing me.

I don't know anymore.

I am deadlocked.

Deadlocked.